Things I'll Never Say
by Hailie Jade
Summary: Starts where 'A Thousand Cranes' ended, it's from Abby's pov


Hey I'm Hailie Jade, and this is my first ER fic.  
  
Spoilers: everything up to A Thousand Cranes  
  
This is a song fic: If you haven't heard Avril's "Things I'll Never Say" then you have to hear it, I think It explains Abby and Carter's relationship completely. Lyrics appear like this *lyric*  
  
Please Review!  
  
Starts up at the end of A Thousand Cranes:  
  
Abby's point of view:  
  
'Oh my god' I think, while staring at the ring. His ring. He had it today; I knew that's what the restaurant was about.  
  
"Who was that?" he asks causing me to close the box quickly.  
  
"Maggie," I reply nervously, not really trusting my voice.  
  
**I'm tuggin at my hair I'm pulling at my clothes I'm trying to keep my cool I know it shows**  
  
"She wanted to thank you for the ride," I add opening the box again. He didn't ask, a voice in my head keeps saying over and over. 'He didn't ask.' Three words. Why are all the most important phrases in life always three little words?  
  
**I'm staring at my feet  
  
My cheeks are turning red**  
  
I quickly close the box knowing he will enter the room soon. I put it back in his coat; god do I wish it had stayed there to begin with. I can feel my eyes filling with tears. But I won't cry, I don't cry. Abigail Lockhart doesn't cry.  
  
He enters the room; I can hear him even though I'm pouring the tea into mugs now. I don't know if I can face him.  
  
**I'm feeling nervous  
  
Trying to be so perfect Cause I know you're worth it  
  
Yeah You're worth it**  
  
What did I do? What did I say? He was going to ask, so how did I change his mind. Did he realize I wasn't good enough for him? Because I know I'm not, everyone knows I'm not. The stubborn tears still burn my eyes, as I run out of ways to stall from turning around.  
  
"Abby," he says.  
  
"Huh," I reply startled as I drop the spoon.  
  
**I'm feeling nervous**  
  
"Are you okay?" he asks as he gets up from the table and begins walking towards me.  
  
"Yeah I'm fine," I reply trying to keep my distance.  
  
"Is something wrong," he asks.  
  
"no" I answer, still not turning to face him. I don't know what to say  
  
**If I could say what I meant to say  
  
I'd say I want to blow you away Be with you every night Am I squeezing you to tight**  
  
I want to scream, why didn't you ask! I want to know, what is wrong with me? Well beside the obvious because I thought we were past the obvious. You know me Carter, and I thought I knew you.  
  
He doesn't believe me; he still comes up behind me, wrapping those strong arms around me. Arms that have comforted me too many times. Arms that make me feel safe. But right now they're just making me nervous. Why am I feeling so trapped?  
  
Why is he still here? I have so many questions running through my head. He realized he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with someone like me, not just someone like me, he doesn't want me. How long is he going to play this game?  
  
**If I could see what I want to see  
  
I want to see you go down on one knee Marry me today  
  
Marry me today**  
  
That's it I can't take it anymore. I pull out of his arms forcefully. He seems confused for a minute before he sees my face and realizes that I'm crying.  
  
**Guess I'm wishing my life away  
  
With these things I'll never say**  
  
"Abby," he says softly, taking a step towards me.  
  
"No," I whisper and hold up my hand. I grab my coat off the couch where I threw it and attempt to put it on.  
  
"What happened?" he asks confused. "Who was on the phone?" oh so he assumes it was the phone call.  
  
**It don't do me any good  
  
It's just a waste of time**  
  
"Maggie," I whisper. "Everything is fine," I add moving towards the door.  
  
"Where are you going?" he asks, and I almost believe that he cares.  
  
"Don't know," I answer truthfully as I unlock the last lock and open the door. He has removed any space between us now.  
  
"Abby, what are you running away from?"  
  
**What use is it to you what's on my mind It ain't comin out where not going anywhere  
  
So why can't I just tell you that I care* *  
  
"I'm making it easier for you Carter," I stutter.  
  
"What?" he asks seemingly baffled.  
  
He's too close again.  
  
**Cause I'm feeling nervous**  
  
"We're over, I get that," I scream. There I said it.  
  
**Trying to be so perfect Cause I know you're worth it**  
  
"What?" he asks again as he steps back from me, letting go of my arm. "Why?"  
  
"Come on Carter," I begin with tears streaming down my face. "How long were you going to just pretend that you still cared?"  
  
"What are you talking about Abby? I thought things were great. You said you wanted this to last."  
  
**If I could say what I want to say  
  
I'd say I want to blow you away Be with you every night  
  
Am I squeezing you to tight**  
  
"So did you," I say. For a few minutes I wonder if he heard me.  
  
"What do you want Abby?" he asks quietly.  
  
Why is he asking that? He's the one who wants it over. I have to stop crying.  
  
"What did I do?" he tries, seeing that I didn't answer his last question.  
  
"What did I do?" I shout. The tears coming back.  
  
**If I could see what I want to see  
  
I want to see you go down on one knee Marry me today  
  
Marry me today**  
  
"What?" he replies. Great a conversation full of questions.  
  
That's it. I can't do it anymore. I turn back towards the door and run down the stairs. He follows me. Why?  
  
"Abby!" he calls. He finally catches up with me as I fumble with the lock on the building door.  
  
"What Carter?" I ask, forcefully brushing away my tears. He grabs my hands and wipes away the rest.  
  
"Please tell me what's wrong." He pleads, his eyes scanning mine.  
  
**What's wrong with my tongue  
  
These words keep slipping away  
  
I stutter I stumble like I've got nothing to say**  
  
"Why?" I ask simply.  
  
"Why what, Ab?"  
  
I abandon that question and simply say, "I saw the ring."  
  
Author's note: so what did you think? Please hit the little review button and tell me, even if it is to just tell me that it sucked. thanx 


End file.
